So i've been planning to create this blog covering mainly my cycling and bike stuff as well as my love of coffee and design, the three things i surround myself most with at the moment, for a while.
But unfortunately had to put it on hold along with my entire life after a pretty gruesome crash a few weeks back.
I collided with a truck on a country lane on a blind corner probably at quite a speed – I have no memory of the accident at all, and have been in hospital for 2 weeks and at home resting for almost the same period. My head is fractured in 3 places and a have a few cracked ribs, as well as a bunch of small cuts. Which has left me with dizziness, memory loss, and general weakness. As well as a 24hr headache.
It is only really sinking in now what happened. which would be scarier if i could remember it i guess. at the earlier stages my head was full of what if's and maybe's but i realised everything in life could be viewed like that so i just had to be thankful with my lot. being this broken has just left me feeling frustrated. not working, unable to even stand up at times and not just getting on with things, feeling truly useless and anxious.
despite all this have to say I'm super keen to get back on a bike, well tiny bit nervous getting back up to the over 30mph mark. sure as hell not gonna jack it all in just yet, I'm not even middle aged yet (the glory days). And I wanted to do so much next year, join some races of some kind, cycle holiday, break my swains lane record...
Healing now seems to be going ok but i am incredibly impatient, and had a few really low days which have been tuff. at its worst it felt like a punch in the face every morning feeling sick and like i had a bag of sugar taped to my head. which now feels like a diner sachet instead. my teeth are still giving me grief, as is doing everyday things, dropping stuff, feels like walking and thinking in treacle. memory loss, mainly trival stuff except all my 29 years spent absorbing facts about films and music has taken a hit – the plus of this particular side effect i rewatched fargo the other day, felt like it was the first time, which has got me thinking about whether to re watch the wire. oh man i wonder if i remember goodfellas.
Its also a pretty good time to take stock, been writing lists in my head but forgetting them instantly. i'd like to think i'll be better person through all this but who knows might just end up with more tattoos and records i've wanted for ages.
The biggest thing that stuck me, other than the truck, was how great everyone has been, it has truly overwhelmed me – the hospital staff, friends, family, people in my life have been amazing, (you know who you are thank you) a special thanks needs to go to David and Delia – who have gone beyond their call of duty and I now feel a hell of a lot closer to them. And of course rebecca whose been my rock through all this. if anyone is reading this who is recovering from something, let me just say stay strong and surround yourself with people to combat those horrid dark days that creep up.
God speed – I'll let you know how the riding goes soon.
